The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
