I'm really into asian looking animals
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
