Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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