fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
