Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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