I am midnight drunk by noon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
