Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
