i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
