If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize