So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
