My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
