It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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