Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
