i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
