youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
