I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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