It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
