he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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