I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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