he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
