We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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