A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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