I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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