How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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