you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
