Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
