So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
