I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
