You're completely useless in the revolution.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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