i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
