Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
