I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
