No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
