She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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