So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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