Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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