We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
