I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
