I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
