My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
