i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
