The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
