It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
