You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
