you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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