Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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