i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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