Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
