I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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