How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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