Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
