I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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