Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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