so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize