i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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