Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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