I love black thongs
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
