Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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