he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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