It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
