Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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