Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
