i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
