jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
