I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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