I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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