No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love