omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups