he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.