No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.