so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.