i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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