I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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